The Clouds Part

Wow.

It has been 2 years since I handed my wife’s problems back to her and informed her that we would be co-parenting our children in separate lives. Those few of you who go back that far remember the firestorm of abuse I endured until she found another home and moved out 6 months later.

The good news is that she stepped up to taking care of her life. It was rocky for a while, unstable, and unpleasant for me, but it’s now clear that she did begin to move her life in the right direction. Today, after 18 months apart, she has made enough progress that I will no longer be barbing her with comic acronyms – much though these helped through difficult times. From here on I’ll refer to her as my STBXW, and hopefully soon my XW.

About 8 weeks ago she was victimized yet again, this time by a surgeon who nearly killed her with a gross error. The difficult recovery had a silver lining, however. In the course of dealing with the suffering and injury, she became aware of something she called “the black and white thinking”, and she went on to say that once she recognized it, she could start to deal with it. The black clouds of denial part, and the sun peeks through at last.

I don’t know what the quality of her life is now. I think she has friends through AA with whom she is at least partly her real self. She continues to be a fine parent and our children are thriving. She no longer seems interested in changing the custody arrangement, and the children are much more at ease with it. But there is no doubt in my mind that her improvement hinged on my thrusting her out into the cold world. As long as she had me and the family unit to compensate for her problems, I believe her avoidance of responsibility would have continued. And so, as destructive and costly as divorce is, I think in this case it served a virtuous purpose. One can only guess, though.

May those black clouds never return.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press