Tears without Pain

[I offered this to clarify about the page Just Being Me, and being very enamored of my own words, thought you might like it too.]

No, I think you missed a line in all that somewhere.  The tears come without pain – there is no wrench in the gut; no wish that it would stop. Yes, we do cry when hurt – or is not until after that we cry? When someone comforts us or we comfort ourselves?

The tears signal healing – they tell us that what we are thinking, feeling, hearing, seeing, imagining, smelling, touching – whatever the experience is – is healing for us. For me this always matches up to correcting something that was said or done to me in senseless anger. At first it was something as blunt as saying out loud to myself “you are not a pervert.” (I’m not, by the way.) This was hard at first. Later when I honored feelings that I been forced to suppress, by say buying music that I liked, I started experiencing it with healthy actions. Now I recognize that just being aware that I’m in a comfortable and safe place registers as healing. Something so basic – one of the first things swept away by the abuse.

All of these things carry a message to my spirit. All of them correct hateful messages that I was accosted with. All of them validate what I am. They are all self-loving.

Back when I was fighting “I am not a pervert,” there was pain. Now there is no pain. The situation is peaceful, fulfilling. The tears tell me I am still healing; still in the process of redeeming myself. I don’t know when it will end, but I think it will end. I think there will come a time when I’ve kept myself from that kind of harm, and cared enough for myself that the healing will be over. Then, I expect a life without constant tears.

But I welcome the tears. They are like a compass – they tell me I am on the right path – like the pole star.

My page on this is worth reading: tears and healing.

Here are some words that resonate for me. Read them and see if they do anything:

Will you give up, give in
When your heart's crying out "That is wrong!"
Will you love you for you at the end of it all?

Now in life there's gonna be times
When you're feeling low
And in your mind insecurities seem to take control
We start to look outside ourselves
For acceptance and approval
We keep forgetting that the one thing we should know is

Don't be scared
To fly alone
Find a path that is your own
Love will open every door

If this makes you well up or cry or want to cry, there is a message.

The message is: you are looking outside for something that can only be found within. You are being something that is not you. These words resonate because they express the feeling and motivation of your spirit. They resonate because they validate that YOU must be YOU, not what other people think you should be. They stand up and shout for your spirit to be expressed in your life and in your choices.

I don’t know about you, but being me is hard. I’m different – and not always in ways that people can appreciate. It’s scary – to go out in the world be just me. But I have realized there is no other way for me to live MY life. To be MY life it has to be MINE; not someone else’s. So I gingerly stick my toe out into new places, and somehow I find that no one has chopped them off; if anything it has allowed me to be closer to people.

Music is a powerful connector to our spiritual energy. It moves us when it resonates with what we are inside. These are important messages that we need to listen to, and do our best to honor.

The full lyrics are here, and all her songs are here.

Richard, who shamelessly listens to whatever music he damn well wants to.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press