Online Support Groups

Online support groups (lists) are a powerful force you can tap for your personal growth.

In these groups, people write about their experiences. Sometimes we ask for advice; sometimes for encouragement or support; sometimes we just need to spit out what is on our minds. I relied on two or three such groups when things were at their worst. They are excellent because we give one another lots of truthful, positive messages – messages that help us overcome the brainwashing and mind spin of our sick partners (or ex-partners). Members come from all over the world, from different time zones, and so someone is often around to respond if we need to post about a bad situation.

In support groups (lists), the members share either by email or through a web board. The groups below all use both. When a member wants to share, he/she sends and email to the list address, or posts it to the board. If an email, it's addressed to the name of the list and it's sent to a list server, which is a big mail server computer. The list server takes each message, whether it came by email or by board posting, and relays the message by modifying the title to include the list name. It sends that as an email to everyone on the list. It also posts it on the board.

Now, it’s a big internet, and I don't know about all the lists that are out there. I'll just point you to the lists I personally know about and can vouch for. This is February, 2005, and things change with time, so use your judgment.

Is a Personality Disorder Involved?

Before you join a group, it helps to know what kind you want. I’m going to give suggestions here for four types (non means a person affected by another person with the disorder). If your SO is an alcoholic, I encourage you to look at the pages that are linked below and scan the characteristics that define these personality disorders. Although AA, Al-Anon, and the alcoholic support communities like to look at alcoholism as an isolated disease, it is not. It is often co-morbid, or simultaneous with, other mental health issues. The groups I'll list fall into these four categories:

·        Non-BP (borderline personality disorder) groups;

·        Non-NP (narcissistic personality disorder) groups;

·        Non-AS (antisocial personality disorder, aka sociopaths, psychopaths); and

If you’re not sure whether a particular PD (personality disorder) is involved, these links may help you sort it out:

For borderline personality disorder, try:
http://bpdcentral.com/resources/basics/indicators.shtml
http://tearsandhealing.com/borderline-personality-disorder5.htm

For Narcissistic personality disorder, try:
http://groups.msn.com/npartners/npdchecklist.msnw or
http://groups.msn.com/narcissisticpersonalitydisorder
http://tearsandhealing.com/narcissistic-personality-disorder6.htm

For antisocial personality disorder, try:
http://groups.msn.com/psychopath
http://tearsandhealing.com/sociopath4.htm

The links above are information and “self-diagnosis” and will help you single out one or more of these disorders that may be involved.

Non-BPD Support Groups

These are groups for people who been involved with someone who has BPD or its behaviors. The lists I personally know of and have participated in are:

WelcomeToOz - a general support list for those (non-BPs) whose partner have borderline personality disorder or BP traits. This list is big list and generates a lot of mail.

WTOStaying - a related list that welcomes those who want to stay in their BP relationship, or still have value for their BPSO even if they can't stay

WTOTransitions - a list for those "in transition" during or after a BP relationship, dealing with personal growth issues and self-awareness.

WTODivorcing - which focuses on the issues in divorcing a BP spouse

The WTO has a whole family of lists that focus on special aspects of non problems, like co-parenting. The crazy behavior is not that different among these three disorders, so a list like WTODivorcing might be helpful for someone divorcing a narcissist.

BPD411Intro - a large list, for all aspects of non-BP relationships

Non-NPD Support Groups

These are groups for people who been involved with someone who has NPD or its behaviors. The lists I personally know of and have participated in are:

NPartners - A support list for people whose partners have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) or narcissistic traits. 

NarcissisticPersonalityDisorder - Information about narcissistic personality disorder (NPD). 

Non-APD Support Groups

Psychopath - A support list for people whose partners have antisocial personality disorder (APD) or antisocial traits. 

Related Info

Also, these websites have resources and additional links for those in relationships with a BP, NP, or AP  partner:

BPDCentral.com - Information, books, and links about BPD and non-BP relationships

BPDresources.com - Extensive, organized links to web info about BPD and other disorders

HealthyPlace Narcissistic Personality Disorder Community - A good introduction to Narcissistic Personality disorder. Check out the articles. 

Psychopath - Information about antisocial personality disorder (APD). 

Of course there are many other groups out there, and I don’t mean limit anyone’s thinking to just these. Find a group that works for you and use it.

Now that you know how to use a support group, get the book and start working on all the aspects of your healing process.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press