Overcoming Fear

 Well, it's one thing to think about making changes in your life. Or even decide that we need to make changes. But the real kicker comes when it's time to actually make those changes happen. And that, my friend, is where all us run smack into fear. And it can be paralyzing,  totally paralyzing.

Ignorance Guards Fear

This fear is protected with a wall of ignorance. Take divorce: Can I make a living? Is it best for the children? Can I get custody? Partial custody? How much alimony will she/he get? Will I get? How long will it take? Can I afford the fight? And on. 

All these questions have answers, or approximate answers. And it pretty sure that if we're feeling afraid, we probably don't know those answers. These answers give you the understanding and knowledge allow you to see where change will take you. The more of the answers you have, the less ignorance you have to protect your fears.  Once the fears diminish, it becomes possible to make the decision WITHOUT anguish. What's more, it becomes emotionally possible to start making those changes.

Fear is dealt with by 1000 tiny steps to LEARN. It's amazing how little we know about the things we fear. One phone call, a visit to a web site, a phone call to a friend, a question on a support list - can provide the knowledge to change something from a fearful unknown to "Hey! I can do that!" The key is to recognize the fear of change, and put your finger on what you  think you know that makes you afraid. From that, you can take a step to get better understanding. And once you have it, you'll able to take another step.

 It may take 10 or 20 small steps to make a big change. For me, a great example was finding a divorce attorney. Man, I was so frightened of that. But I did the 20 steps, one by one: buy a book; read the book; look in the phone book; read the book again; talk to a friend; read that book again to find out what I'm supposed to ask; make a list of questions; write a script for a voicemail; look on the internet; look again; try harder this time; make a call; return a call, make an appt; Every damned one of those things I was afraid of. Even buying the book! I bought it with cash so my wife wouldn't ask what I'd bought! But by the sum of those small steps, I enabled myself to make a big change.

Once I determined to knock these walls down, everything came into focus and my actions became part of a plan. Something that I chose and I took control of. By eliminating ignorance of the "what if's, you eliminate the anguish and allow yourself to own your choices, and to move forward and change your life.

Step by step, little by little, you knock down the walls of ignorance that guard those fears.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press