Mental Short Circuits
(a full text excerpt)

I hear a lot of people commenting on thoughts, thinking or in this case in her mind, especially during rages or dysphoric episodes.  So let me illustrate with my experience.

Yesterday and today I am very angry. Not exploding, but very deeply aggrieved. I'm finding that I am very angry with drivers who drive slowly, traffic lights that are red, elevators that won't go fast enough....   There is a thought at the end of this reaction: "That SOB can't find his gas pedal," "This stupid elevator works like poop." But getting to that thought, there was no thought. The thought arises directly from emotion. I am frustrated, I am angry. Something frustrates my intent, and bingo! Thoughts appear. Irrational, counter-productive thoughts.

Now I'm not especially crazy (just regular crazy), so I think this is insightful. Even in a "normal" person, strong emotion can lead to irrational, disconnected thoughts of great intensity. Now imagine the kind of emotional pain our SOs are in - think about what kind of thoughts and intensity that must generate. It really becomes more understandable as you see the mechanics in a normal personality, and then add the intensity of a BPD personality.

We always respond, "She thinks I'm a pedophile ax murderer." But really, she feels so intensely, the emotions engender a thought of the same intensity. But she doesn't really "think" that about me. There's no reason, logic, or memory behind it. And considering how much pain they're in, we're lucky that's all they think.

So when our BPs or NECs (or whatever flavor you have of someone with a lot emotional pain) are hurting, and they express thoughts about us, it's.... guess what... do you have it?.....

Not about us.

It's not about us. It's not about them. It's not about anything except how much they hurt at that moment. They aren't "thinking" at all. Their "thoughts" are not thoughts at all - rather they are expressions erupting straight out of emotion - without logic, reason, or experience to support them.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press