Limits of Faith

Well, I have preached at the men on the support lists enough about hanging in too long. When relationships get really bad, they drain us. And while we all want to be faithful to our relationships, we can really get ourselves in a bind by sticking with a harmful situation so long that we don't have the strength left to salvage ourselves. And it's not just men that this can happen to - it's just that men's situations are closer my experience so I feel it more. 

We ALL have are or have been faithful to our relationships. But it is really important to be realistic about our own strength. By staying in the relationship as the primary concern in our lives, we put ourselves at risk of becoming exhausted and non-functional. You're not reading this page to celebrate your wedded bliss. We all need to be pragmatic, and recognize that exiting the relationship is a real possibility. When things get really bad, it has to be considered.

The problem is that exiting is HARD. It's important not to exhaust yourself being faithful so that not enough is left to manage that difficult transition - IF it comes. We all should have an emotional rainy day fund that we can draw on if we need to leave. Repeated upheavals and crises are exhausting - EVEN IF we manage OK through them. I felt like I was managing just fine almost until the point I realized I had to get out of my relationship.  But I barely kept it together through the 8 months between my decision to divorce and the point where she moved out. Some of you remember what a painful time that was. And that was AFTER I gave up.

Don't go there. Even if you really want your relationship to work, keep something in reserve. It's a reasonable enough thing to do.  

Are you straining too hard to stay in a hurtful place?

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press