The Cusp of the Cycle

Our BPSOs emotions tend to move through repetitive cycles. Some parts of the cycle can be particularly difficult for non.  If anything, BPs are unstable. They carry tremendous emotional tension with them. Innocuous triggers can unleash this tension. Moreover, AA has taught me that the stage can be set by simple stress on the person: HALT - being hungry, angry, lonely, or tired (and I would add PMS). My NECW is very prone to trigger when she is overtired, which she is a lot.    

Typically, this emotional tension drops via the expression of the extreme moods and behaviors. I don't know if it's cathartic, or just exhausting. It certainly is hard on us nons. But after a while, the emotional storm will pass, and she will return to a calmer, more reasonable state- that is, if she is a legitimate NEC.

Most of us have been through some fearful abuse at the hands our BPSOs.  This is hard. This is painful.. And it leads to denial. Especially when they are able to get themselves  together and function with a more normal level of emotion and behavior. There's really no helping it. Sometimes on the support lists you'll members warning others about expecting too much when things are quiet. 

But it's not a logical thing. It happens at a lower level. It is, in effect, our minds way of protecting us from painful thoughts. Our minds simply refuse to retain the conscious images of the rages, dysphoria, and abuse. This is called dissociation. And since we don't vividly recall these, we tend to let our conscious thoughts follow. This is denial.

But, when the BPs emotions cycle back, whether it's a cycle or an eruption triggered by something, the denial runs smack into reality, and it's like hitting a brick wall. And it hurts. It feels traumatic and it is. Because we've been in denial, we have trouble accepting what is happening. This makes it even more painful. And this, my friend, is the cusp of the cycle.

Later, under Constancy of Perspective, I'll talk a little more about working to stay connected during all phases of your BPSO's emotions. Just do your best to use YOUR emotional control to remember that she's in a lot of pain, and bad as it is, it's the best she can do - for you and your boys.

Hopefully this gives you some comfort or some guidance in managing these emotional swings. There's not much to chuckle about in this part of the cycle.

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press