Al-Anon

I think Al-Anon is a powerful tool that all non-BPs should consider.       

Al-Anon is a program of SPIRITUAL growth. It has wonderful teachings on acceptance, detaching, letting go, caring for yourself, and so on. It offers a community of face-to- face people who can share your burdens and offer support. I really encourage all nons to try Al-Anon. Don't worry if you don't think you have an alcoholic in your life. You don't need one. Just go. You'll be welcomed and your stories will be similar to many other's.

Basically Al-Anon helps people deal with living with somebody who's really emotionally sick. And STEP ONE is to admit you are  powerless and you cannot control another person. You can't make them stop drinking, stop being BP, get a job, stop picking their nose  etc, etc. Although this is difficult, it will TREMENDOUSLY free you from a burden that really isn't yours. Then you can focus on you and finding the right path for you with your special person. 

Higher Powers

 I spent some time working the Al-Anon program and did lots of reading. And Al-Anon has lots of handy sayings plus the ever-present 12 steps, of which number three is "made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him."

Now I'm not a big God person - pretty much of an atheist compared to your typical Christian, but I do believe in a higher order. And I have to say that at the point I'm at, I can't be in control of my life even if I want to, because there are forces larger than me at work here. So I'm slowly realizing that I might as well work this program that everybody (did I miss anyone) tells me is good for me and (al-non slogan #xxx) "Let go and let God"; "Thy will be done, not mine." 

But My SO Isn't an Alcoholic

The "requirement" for participating is "a problem of alcoholism in a friend or relative". Surely your grandmother's cousin's daughter was an alcoholic, or someone at work. That'll do. Seriously, it IS all the same. And there is no entrance exam for Al-Anon - you don't ever have to say a word. But when you hear the stories that are told, some are pure alcoholism, but lots and lots are just like our lives. We could all fit in perfectly.

What's more, I can't imagine an Al-Anon group would ever discourage anyone who sincerely wanted help from attending. You would be welcome in any group.

The initial plunge into 12-steps is focused on giving up the illusion of control and accepting a higher power's will. Really, this means learning to listen to your heart. I have to say, even with all the knowledge and tools of the BPD world, it was Al-Anon's steps 1-3 that got me over the hump to where I am now.

Al-Anon Teachings

...xxx is a family disease. It thrives on isolation, secrecy and denial, even when no crisis confronts us. When trouble appears, the last thing we may want to do is talk about it with others. BUT THE ONLY WAY TO RELEASE OURSELVES FROM THE HOLD OF THESE DARK DEMONS IS TO BREAK THE ISOLATION AND BRING THEM INTO THE LIGHT BY SHARING WITH OTHERS WHO UNDERSTAND." [Emphasis mine].

From "...In All Our Affairs - Making Crises work for You"             

© 2004-6 Richard, 21CP and Dalkeith Press